Titanic
The Basic Plot in Five Words or Less: Big, very expensive ship sinks.
My Basic Ramblings: Gee, how many ways could you have died on the Titanic? You could've been drowned, burned, electrocuted, fallen from the ship (or a lifeboat), shot by a crew member while trying to jump the lifeboat line, thwacked on the head by a lifeboat or an oar or a propeller or the bottom of the boat (when it briefly righted itself), hypothermia.
It's a wonder anyone survived at all.
But they did, and this is the (fictional) story of one of them.
And I have some comments about said story. Here they are.
First off, here's my comment about the budget of the movie. I read an article where it was said that the extras in the film all wore expensive silk underwear, to complete the "first-class passenger on the Titanic" experience. Well, I know another way to complete the "first-class passenger on the Titanic" experience and it saves a lot of money. It's called acting.
Wouldn't it have been great if we learned that the Titanic sank because some rich first-class teenager (read: Kate Winslet's character) ran through the engine room in a floaty little breezy dress, the dress caught on fire, and everyone freaked?
Y'know how all those kids in Japan got sick recently from watching that Pocket Monsters cartoon, with the flashing lights? That almost happened to me in the one strobe-light-heavy scene (when they're trying to unlock the gate with the keys the crew member dropped). I started to feel a little weird, so I closed my eyes until it was over.
Wouldn't it have been great if Kate had missed the handcuffs with the axe and cut off Leonardo's hand instead?
Was it just me, or did Billy Zane look like he was wearing eyeliner the entire film?
Wouldn't it have been great if the Carpathia (the ship that picked up the survivors) had also sunk?
Now, on to the end. I have some major, major serious problems with the end. Let me go through it, scene by scene.
At Ellis Island, Rose dips her hand into her pocket and discovers she's got the big honkin' diamond in the pocket of the jacket she's wearing. What sort of pockets did trenchcoats have in those days? She's running around the ship, half the time in water higher than her waist, she gets sucked into a whirlpool created by the sinking of the ship, and the necklace is still in her pocket. And why didn't she notice it before, when she was on the Carpathia? Wouldn't she have put her hands in her pockets before that?
In current times, Rose throws it back into the water. Great. Nice. Super. Bill Paxton's spent how many years and how much money looking for that diamond, and you just throw it back? Nice lady. Bill brought you here, gave you your mirror and your butterfly comb back, and instead of being nice, instead of saying "Gee, Bill, thanks for my stuff. Here's the diamond, the whole reason you're doing this," you just toss it back. Real nice. As for "Oh, it belongs to the Titanic, it should be down there, that's where it should be," well, Rose's opinion doesn't count for much, because....
Rose dies, while surrounded by her pictures. Anyone else think Rose is a li'l egotistical? All the pictures are of her!
The Titanic is filled with the ghosts of those who died, while a young Rose meets up with and kisses a young Jack. I have a question. What was Rose's name? Her name when she died, that is. ROSE CALVERT. Meaning she had a husband somewhere along the line. Mr. Calvert. When Rose dies, does she spend eternity with him, with her husband, the one she swore to love, honor and respect, forsaking all others? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. She goes to spend eternity with some kid she fell in love with when she was 17. I don't know about anyone else here, but if I had to spend eternity with the guy I was in love with at age 17, it wouldn't be heaven.
Anyway, I feel sorry for Mr. Calvert, who's probably wandering around in heaven going "Rose? Are you here? Helloooo?"
All this griping and complaining aside, however, there were good parts of the film. I loved Kate's dresses (especially the one she wore during the sinking), the sets were amazing, the sinking sequence phenomenal (well, the parts where things were getting destroyed. Scenes of people just running around got a little tedious) and the one scene of the old couple huddled in bed as the water flowed into their room actually made me cry.