The Basic Plot in Five Words Or Less: Sleepy, Dopey, Doc...no, wait.

My Basic Ramblings: This is such a happy, feel-good movie. No, wait. Itís dark and moody and pretty darned depressing. I saw it back when it first came out, liked it, and then bought it on laser this past weekend because it was in the Used Bargain Bin. So, Friday night (I think) I sat down with a big bowl of pasta (momentarily forgetting how the first victim died) and watched Seven or Se7en or whatever the heck itís really officially called.

I started thinking about which one of the Seven Deadly Sins I come closest to personifying, and realized without a doubt it would be Sloth. Actually, I was envious of Mr. Sloth for a while - he just got to lie around, didnít have to lift a finger, had his rent paid for, etc. But when I realized he had his hand cut off and looked really creepy and he probably didnít eat and his brain was all mush, etc., I thought better of it. (I just realized something - since the Sloth guy was still alive (though barely), would it be considered a murder? Did John Doeís plan involve seven murders or six? We never hear what happens to Sloth at the end of the movie - did he die or didnít he? I wanna know!)

A big deal is made about how John Doe trimmed the edges of his fingers with a razor to remove his fingerprints. Then he walks around with bandages on his fingertips. Hello, wouldnít the bandages cover his fingerprints anyway? Self-mutilation isnít really necessary!

If you had three large dogs living in a tiny apartment room, like Brad & Gwyneth did (so sad to see this movie and realize theyíve broken up [yeah, right]), wouldnít they be barking up a ferocious storm the entire movie? Youíd have Morgan Freeman and Brad trying to do a scene together and itíd sound like this:

This (bark! bark) guy, heís (bark! bark!) preaching (bark! BARK!) to (bark!) us...

Hold on (bark!) just (bark!) a (bark!) minute (bark!)....

BRAD pulls out his gun and shoots the dogs.

How much rain can one city get?

Does R. Lee Ermey ever play a character thatís not a cop or a soldier?

Kevin Spacey is in this flick.  He may not look like anything spectacular in this movie (or in Usual Suspects) but have you seen pictures of him in L.A. Confidential?  Holy moley, does he look good! He's now my Official Movie Star Who Can Look Creepy At Times Crush (replacing Steve Buscemi).

What would a sequel to this movie be called? Eight? Fourteen? Forty-Nine? Would the killer move on to more modern Deadly Sins, such as Talking Loudly During Movies or Driving Too Slow in the Passing Lane? These are the questions I have.  What answers do I get?  None.