(hey, it's what came up when I sent "The Movie Review Abattoir" into the "English to German" section of Alta Vista's translator....)


Welcome, one and all, to the world-famous Movie Review Abattoir!  Here you will find rambling, semi-coherent reviews of movies, filled to the brim with spoilers and hypothetical questions!  Rarely updated because I'm lazy, these movies (at this point) are available on VHS, DVD, LD, or any other movie-watching medium of which you can think.  Enjoy!

Coming Soon! (Maybe!)

Whitney's Second Guilt-Induced Mini-Review Extravaganza
which will feature (if I ever do it),
Memento, Series 7: The Contenders, A.I., Chicken Run, The Mists of Avalon, Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story, and others!
(If I ever do it!  Don't hold your breath, please!)


The Reviews - Movies sliced 'n diced for your entertainment. From "12 Monkeys" to "You Only Live Twice".  Over one hundred films of all sorts submitted for your approval.  Wowzers.

The Special Reports - Comments about upcoming movies, the Oscars, and other movie news.

All The Movies
  • 12 Monkeys
  • 2001: A Space Odyssey
  • 2010
  • Air Force One
  • Alien
  • Alien: Resurrection
  • All The President's Men
  • Apollo 13
  • Apt Pupil
  • Arrival (Prisoner Pilot)
  • Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me
  • Babe
  • Ben-Hur (1959 Version)
  • The Blair Witch Project
  • Boiler Room
  • Boogie Nights
  • Braveheart
  • A Bug's Life
  • Casablanca
  • The Celluloid Closet
  • The China Syndrome
  • Citizen Kane
  • Cleopatra
  • A Clockwork Orange
  • Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind
  • The Dead Pool
  • Deliverance
  • Double Indemnity
  • Elizabeth
  • The Enforcer
  • Eraser
  • Evita
  • The Exorcist
  • Eyes Wide Shut
  • Face/Off
  • Fallen
  • Fargo
  • Fight Club
  • The Fugitive
  • The Full Monty
  • The Game
  • Gladiator
  • Goldfinger
  • GoodFellas
  • Grease
  • Halloween
  • Heavenly Creatures
  • Highlander
  • Hoop Dreams
  • Jackie Brown (with spoilers)
  • JFK
  • L.A. Confidential (with spoilers)
  • A Life Less Ordinary
  • The Long Kiss Goodnight
  • Lord of the Dance
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  • The Lost Boys
  • Magnum Force
  • The Maltese Falcon
  • The Man with the Golden Gun
  • The Manchurian Candidate
  • Marathon Man
  • The Matrix
  • Men In Black
  • Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil
  • Mission: Impossible
  • Moonraker
  • Mutiny on the Bounty
  • My Fair Lady
  • Ocean's Eleven
  • The Omen
  • Picnic at Hanging Rock
  • A Place in the Sun
  • Planet of the Apes (the old one)
  • Poltergeist
  • The Poseidon Adventure
  • Psycho
  • Riverdance
  • Run Lola Run
  • Rushmore (Erin Fitzgerald's review)
  • Rushmore (Whitney Freemesser's review)
  • Saturday Night Fever
  • Saving Private Ryan
  • Scream 2 (with spoilers)
  • Seven
  • Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
  • Shaft (2000)
  • The Shawshank Redemption
  • Sherlock, Jr.
  • The Silence of the Lambs
  • Singin' In The Rain
  • The Sixth Sense
  • Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace
  • Sudden Impact
  • Sweetwater: A True Rock Story
  • Titanic
  • Tomorrow Never Dies
  • The Towering Inferno
  • Trainspotting
  • The Truman Show
  • Tucker: A Man and His Dream
  • U-571
  • Under Siege
  • The Usual Suspects (Spoilers)
  • Wag the Dog
  • West Side Story
  • Wild Things
  • Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory
  • The X-Files
  • Xanadu
  • Yellow Submarine
  • You Only Live Twice
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    Special Little Reports!

    Steal and DIE.

    back to the land of Whitney