The Basic Plot In Five Words or Less: Big ship flips over. Oops.
My Basic Ramblings: This movie would be a lot different if it were made today. Oh, wait, it is being made today. Will Titanic be nothing more than The Poseidon Adventure '97? Time shall tell.
Anyway, you've got a colorful variety of colorful people on the colorful ship. Gene Hackman as the Vaguely Studly Minister, Shelly Winters as the Fat Grandma, Jack Albert as Charlie Bucket's Grandpa Joe (er...I mean Fat Grandma's Husband), Leslie Nielsen as the Captain, and so on and so forth. We learn a little bit about their lives and then the boat is hit by a tidal wave and lotsa people are killed. Our handful of brave survivors (including Roddy McDowall as the Scottish Crew Member, Ernest Borgnine as The Really Negative New York Cop and Stella Stevens as The Really Negative New York Cop's Wife Who Used to Be a Hooker) have to figure out how to get to the top...er, bottom...er, whatever, of the boat to air and freedom and no water and all that.
Everyone (or I'm sure everyone) who's seen or reviewed this movie makes some snide comment about Shelly Winters' weight. (Like I did in the paragraph above.) But how many people are aware that she was nominated for an Academy Award for her role? Or that she won the Golden Globe? Hmmmmmmmm? (Or has anyone else noticed that both this movie and the other "classic star-packed 70's disaster movie", The Towering Inferno, both won Oscars for Best Song?)
Anyway, that scene where she saves Vaguely Studly Minister while he's underwater is just a wee bit unbelievable. If I was swimming underwater for as long as he'd been, and I got whapped in the back with a big piece of sheet metal, I'd probably get the wind knocked out of me, drown and die. But then again, I'm not a Vaguely Studly Minister.
Another question is in the scene second from the end, where Vaguely Studly Minister jumps to the valve turny-thingy, turns it, then falls to his oil-burning-on-water-drowny-burny death. They had a rope (from the swimming through the tunnel part). Why didn't he tie it around his waist before he jumped? The could've pulled him back up, theoretically (assuming that Charlie Bucket's Grandpa Joe, The Really Negative NYC Cop, Pamela Sue Martin as The Teenage Chick, Eric Shea as The Teenage Brat, Red Buttons as The Shy Guy and Carol Lynley as the Constantly Freaked Out Hippie Singer could've handled the weight). But nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, Gene had to be Mr. Macho and Mr. Sacrifice My Life Even Though Theoretically I Don't Need To, and fall dramatically to his oil-burning-on-water-drowny-burny death.
Isn't it convenient that The Teenage Chick was wearing hot pants under her (really ugly 70's) dress? I suppose it was so everyone wouldn't freak out that some 15 year old kid was running around in her underpants for a large portion of the movie. (Of course, it's okay for The Really Negative New York Cop's Wife Who Used to Be a Hooker to run around in her underpants, 'cause, well, she used to be a hooker.)
Isn't it convenient that the rescue team was right there at the hull when they started banging on it?
Anyway, come back here in December after Titanic's been out (Chris is a total Titanic nut and I can already tell you we're going to go see it opening night, even though Tomorrow Never Dies is coming out the same night and personally I would rather see that) and maybe I'll do some big honkin' comparison chart thing.
Back up to the surface