The Basic Plot in the form of a Haiku:

       Ani's got the Force!
       We've got an over-hyped flick!
       Wish Darth Maul had lived.

My Basic Ramblings: Chris has been officially sick of the hype this movie has gotten for quite some time now, and it only got worse after seeing the movie.  Any time there's an ad on TV or the radio for anything related to the movie, I can be sure I'll be treated to exasperated sighs and cries of "It wasn't that good a movie!"  When I try to explain to him that I went through the same thing about a year and a half ago with a little flick called Titanic, he says "But that was a good movie!" (sigh)

Anyway, we all (Chris, Erin, Dad and I) saw this movie, and after the initial thrill of seeing "STAR WARS" blasted on the screen, we all settled down and watched the movie. (It was always a bit of tradition that my father take us to see the movies.  I think my mother is one of six people on the planet who hasn't seen any of them.)

Rather than review the movie as a whole, I will review it in parts.

The Characters

Obi-Wan.  Show of hands - when they were swimming down to the Gungan land (using mini-scuba gear stolen directly from Thunderball), how many people thought of the scene in Trainspotting where Renton is swimming in the toilet?

I was also expecting him to be in the movie a lot more than he was. I also think Episode II should be "Obi-Wan Falls In Love With The Goofy Legal Secretary/Movie Reviewer From Rochester, New York."

Qui-Gon. Eh.  I like Liam but I kept thinking "It's Oskar Schindler!" or "It's Ethan Frome!" or "It's Michael Collins!".

Anakin Skywalker.  "Yippie" is not a word one expects to hear from the future leader of the Dark Side.  I think it would've been cool if, standing amidst the Jedi council, he'd slipped into some sort of trance and started channeling James Earl Jones.

Mace Windu.  He should've been wearing a Kangol hat.

Darth Maul.  He's supposed to be a bad-ass dude, but how bad-ass can you be when you're cut in half by a Jedi trainee?

Jar Jar Binks.  Maybe if we never mention him, he'll go far far away.  Meesa wanna smack the crap outta George Lucas for this one.

Amidala and Padme.  This was completely ruined for me, basically because my first thought when I saw Padme was "Hey, that's Natalie Portman, right?"  So there's more possible suspense killed right there.  (Here's a question - each we saw Amidala in her funky haired glory, giving a speech or the like, when was it Real Queen and when was it Fake Queen?  Is it really fair to be elected Queen if you're going to spend all your time hiding out, hitting on eight year old slaves, making your double do all the work?)

The Greg Proops Half of the Two Headed Pod Race Announcer.  To quote Anakin, yippie!  ABC better renew Whose Line is it Anyway? or I will be annoyed.

R2-D2.  Yay!  I always loved this guy, and it's good to see he has a noble, praise-worthy beginning (it was also funny to watch the other droids get tinked off the spaceship).

C-3PO. I always hated him and was very happy when they abandoned him half-way through the flick.  (Aside from the New York Times:  What happens to C-3PO that would make him not put two and two together and realize that Anakin Skywalker, the kid who created him, might be related to Luke Skywalker, the kid who buys him 30 years later?)

Big Events

The light saber duels.  They were cool, but they also basically boiled
down to five steps:

1. Qui-Gonn attacks.
2. Darth Maul blocks.
3. Obi-Wan attacks.
4. Darth Maul blocks.
5. Repeat.

Why, oh why, didn't they both attack at the same time?  Especially since at one point they were standing on opposite sides?

The Pod Race.  (Snide Film Student Comment: "I really liked the race - when it was in Ben-Hur!") Dad really liked this part; I thought it went on just a li'l too long.  I mean, we all know that Anakin's gonna win, right?  Where's the suspense?  The Sand People taking shots at the contestants was cool, though.

The Merchandising.  My personal favorites are the Lego sets (I want an Ewan MacGregor Lego figurine!) and the kid's book I Am A Jedi by Qui-Gon Jinn. (I'm serious.  That's what it says on the cover.  When does a Jedi find time to write a book?)  "I am a Jedi.  I get killed by  this red-faced horned guy.  Lucky me."

Little Events

The fact that Obi-Wan's first line was "I have a bad feeling about this."  It was a nice little touch.

The E.T.s in the Senate.  This was cute.  They should've put in aliens from other movies, too.  The Coneheads and David Bowie and Kyle MacLachlan and then the aliens from the Alien series could have eaten them all. (Except Kyle, of course.)

The Fact That Palpatine is Really The Evil Emperor From Return of the Jedi, and The Whole Happy Ending Is Just a Set-Up For His Evil Plan.  Oops.  I didn't realize this until after the movie, talking to my sister.  (At least I did better than my father, who asked with total sincerity "Now who does the little boy grow up to be?")

So!  That's your movie.  The movie that thousands of people quit their jobs for that has already fallen off the radar two months after it was released.  Hee hee hee.