The Basic Plot in Six Words or Less: There can be only....how many?

My Basic Ramblings: This is another movie I thought I should probably see, since it's pretty much attained cult status in the world. I also figured I should see it since I've had a request to review Braveheart, and this movie is kinda close to it, I think - Mel Gibson isn't immortal in his flick, but he and Christopher Lambert both run around in their respective movies with braids in their hair and pretty Scottish scenery.

At any rate, Christopher Lambert (formerly only known to me as Raiden in Mortal Kombat) is Connor MacLeod, a 15th century guy who discovers, lo and behold, that he's immortal, and he can only be killed by having his head chopped off.

This concept got me to thinking - if I were immortal and I could only be killed by having my head chopped off, what are the odds I'd end up accidentally beheading myself in a really stupid accident? Something like "standing over running machinery wearing a necklace with a really thin cord that gets caught in the gears". I'd probably die before I was supposed to naturally. That being the case, I'd probably fashion myself a steel neck brace and NEVER take it off.

If you look at this movie, being immortal isn't that bad.  Sure, you have to watch all your loved ones grow old and die, and you'll end up living a life of loneliness and fear that your head'll be cut off by another Immortal, but you get to have a really cool apartment. And if you save various pieces of crippy-crap throughout the years, you can make a lot of money. You can take stuff to the Antiques Roadshow and feign extreme shock when they tell you that the sword you found "at a garage sale" is worth trillions of dollars (it happens all the time on that show. You should watch it sometime, if you get a chance).

Anyway, assisting Connor in dealing with the fact that he's immortal is Ramirez, an Egyptian fellow played by Sean Connery.  I always thought Sean Connery was the bad guy in this movie, but he wasn't - the bad guy looks quite a bit like Howard Stern. Anyway, I'm guessing that the aging process stops amongst the Immortals at the point when you are killed for the first time, since Connor is supposed to be in his twenties when he stops aging (though he looks mid-thirties) and Ramirez is much older. Think about how much that would suck if you're killed as a baby.

Connery's part in this movie is the equivalent of Peter Lorre's role in Casablanca - he appears, provides useful information to our main character, then is killed and not seen for the rest of the movie.  Sort of the male counterpart of Bond Girls, whose job it is to appear, sleep with James Bond, then be killed.

So Connor goes through the Quickening, which appears to involve simply running across a beach and learning how to fence. Then he's left to fend for himself, being immortal and wreaking havoc around the world, until the Gathering, when all the Immortals left gather in New York City to cut off each other's heads. (Wait a minute. If the Immortals can be killed by having their heads cut off, they're not really Immortal, are they? Though I suppose it's easier to call them "Immortals" than "Immortals Until They Get Their Heads Cut Off, At Which Point They Die and There's A Big Sonic Boom and Anything Nearby That's Made of Glass Breaks and Music by Queen Plays Loudly In The Background".)

So of course Connor is the last remaining Immortal and of course he falls in love with the police chick who assists him and of course they have wonderful closure and no real need to continue the story, and of course there are two sequels and a third on the way.  Can't people leave well enough alone?

I learned shortly after watching this movie (because I almost always go directly to the Internet Movie Database after seeing a flick) that the version I saw was sort of a heavily edited version. There are other versions out there, the "Director's Cut", I would presume, that add parts to the movie, particularly adding a part that explains the presence of Connor's modern-day secretary, Rachel (Connor saved her in World War II from the Nazis). They should have left that part in, because I was sitting there, watching the movie, thinking "What's her deal? Does she know he's Immortal?  She's a lot older than him...how did they meet? She seems to know what's going on, but I dunno...."

I was talking to my sister about this movie and she brought up a valid point - the movie is almost enough to warrant having a crush on Christopher Lambert, until you realize what other movies he's been in. (Having only seen Mortal Kombat, I can't vouch for this, but I can understand her point.)

crippy-crap: (n.) little, inconsequential knick-knacks. Used quite often by my husband following the words "Whitney, this place is completely filled with all your...."

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