Face/Off
The Basic Plot in Five Words Or Less: Face switchiní leads to trouble.
My Basic Ramblings: "Oh my God, itís a movie in current release!", youíre thinking. Well, after months and months of talking about going to movies and not (Con Air, Men in Black, Hercules [to an extent], My Best Friendís Wedding), I finally bit the bullet, shelled out my $6.75 and went to see this one.
All movies should be like this. Guns akimbo and explosions and squibs and FBI chicks getting thrown off airplanes and windows crashing and hokey science and massive gunfire all with Olivia Newton-John singing Over The Rainbow on the soundtrack. Wouldnít Casablanca have been much better if Humphrey Bogart could have kept Ingrid Bergman with him by putting her in heavy magnetized boots that only came off when she had her electroshock therapy?
John Woo, of course, is the director first responsible (I think) for the "two guys pointing guns right in the otherís face" shot, used and abused by all sorts of directors (read: Quentin Tarantino & his fellow wannabes), and we get that here, with John Travolta & Nicolas Cage. We also get a "everyone pointing a gun at someone else in a big kablooey web mess", set in a church overrun with doves. Do you suppose the altar boys have to clean the bird poop as part of their pre-Mass tasks? ("Light the candles...set out the chalice... clean the bird crap...why canít Father Hogan do this once in a while?")
Considering that scene in the church, Chris thought of a good alternate ending ñ everyone fires madly, bullets flying, ptink-ptink-ptink, and when the smoke clears..... theyíre all still alive, but they shot all the doves.
Moving right along, letís pretend youíre an evil genius sociopathic mastermind whoís switched faces with an FBI agent. Youíre asleep in bed with the FBI agentís wife. She sticks you in the arm with what looks like a freakiní X-acto knife. Wouldnít you wake up going, "Honey, geez! What gives? (pause) Say, werenít you in The Crucible?" Why didnít Joan Allen just test Nicolas Cageís blood? There was bound to be some on the glass from when he punched the picture of his kid. (Answer: Not dramatic enough.)
Next point to pick apart: Archer-as-Troyís escape from the prison. Wouldnít you think that a prison with magnet floors would have some sort of emergency back-up where if the main computer gets destroyed, the magnet automatically switches on, so the convicts are stuck in place and canít riot? (Well, they *can* wave their arms around, so maybe they could slap their way into a rioting frenzy...)
Why did Pollux Troy give his real name when he bought the airplane?
Then thereís the whole Sean Archer face-rubbing thing. Letís hope he doesnít do that when he has a cold. "Dad, no! You just sneezed into your hand! Get away! Get away..."
Memo to Mr. Woo: If youíre going to spend millions of dollars making a movie, if youíre going to blow up expensive boats and airplanes and high-rise apartment complexes and churches and create a realistic face-switching scene, spend the extra money and find stunt doubles who look like your stars!
Mythology Lesson For the Day: Castor and Pollux were twins who, after Castorís death, were reunited in the sky as stars (in the constellation Gemini) and are considered to be the patrons of athletes and sailors. Their mother? Helen of Troy. Get it? GET IT?