My Basic Ramblings: I did not see this movie when it was in the theaters, back in '96. Chris asked me if I wanted to go with some people, but I was upset about the crappy day at work I was going to have the next day (this was when I was working as a waitress at a local retirement village; the next day would be Sunday morning breakfast, having to wait on thirty people all at once by myself). So I stayed home and basically whined to myself the entire night. (And, for what it's worth, I did have a super-crappy day the next morning.)
That horrible bit of history aside, I finally watched it on 1/24. [Chris has it on laser.] And here's what I thought.
I want a rail gun. I want to be able to shoot aluminum rods at someone at speeds approaching the speed of light. I want the funky green sight thing that allows you to see through walls, doors, a person's skin. I want the potato-bomb that shoots metal spikes in all directions. I want it all, baby.
The movie's full of colorful characters. There's Arnold, of course (who "vurks ahloan"), there's Vanessa Williams (the only Miss America you really ever hear about anymore), there's James Caan (Sonny Corleone, all recovered from that nasty incident at the toll booth), there's James Cromwell (Farmer Hoggett all suicidey), there's Robert Pastorelli (the painter guy from Murphy Brown), there's James Coburn. Lots of guys named James in this movie. Hmm....
Anyway, this movie got me thinking about the Witness Relocation Program. If I had to join the WRP for any reason, I'd demand (a) a cool name, (b) a cool job, (c) a '98 Volkswagen Beetle, and (d) a rail gun. Otherwise I wouldn't testify.
The laws of physics apparently took a vacation during filming. I'm thinking of the scene where Arnold jumps out of the plane after the parachute and is able to catch up to it. Would that really happen, or would Arnold splat to the ground in a big Austrian puddle seconds after the parachute? Chris, Mr. Science Guy, said that he could have caught up to the parachute, although I'm not entirely convinced.
Then there's the concept of my beloved weapon, the rail gun. Some physics law states that for every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. So if something (an aluminum rod, a cow, John Elway) is shot out of a gun at nearly the speed of light, physics would state that an equal force must be exerted in the opposite direction (whoever's holding the railgun gets shot backward real fast and gets splattered into a back wall). Consider the scene where Arnold's got two rail guns and is shooting them nilly willy. There, he should have been turned into a big Austrian puddle. Or at least have his arms ripped off by the force. But then the movie would've taken a bit of a nasty turn.
The story arc of Arnold helping Robert Pastorelli in the first scene, then going to him later on when things seem hopeless, is directly out of Chinatown, with Arnold as Jack Nicholson. (Can you imagine Arnold replacing Jack in any one of his movie roles? Just picture that for a moment, then we'll move on.)
Anyway, this was a good summer action flick (even if I didn't see it in the summer), and contributions to the Buy Whitney A Rail Gun Fund are greatly appreciated.