The Basic Plot in Five Words or Less: Porn! Porn porn porn porn!
My Basic Ramblings: This movie gives us a window into the fun-filled whirlwind that is the porn industry. Lame movies and lotsa sex, parties, polyester. Yee-haw.
The last batch of movies I've seen (this one, Apollo 13 and The Lost Boys) got me to thinking: Would I rather be a 60's astronaut, a 70's porn star or an 80's vampire? I decided upon 80's vampire, mostly because today I happen to be wearing all black, and I don't think I'd be a very good porn star (I'd need a better name - "Whitney Fitzgerald Freemesser" doesn't really scream out "SEX!" It screams out "She got married to a German guy but she still wants the world to know she's Irish!" "Sparkles O'Trollop" would be a good porn star name.)
Paul Thomas Anderson is a little too artsy for his own good. I mean, when Rollergirl takes a picture with her little Instamatic camera, do we really need an extreme closeup of the flashbulb going off? Every time?
Speaking of Rollergirl, I have no problem with the concept of her never taking off her roller skates, but this brings up several questions:
Rollergirl, of course, is Heather Graham, whose first big role in Hollywood was of Agent Dale Cooper's love interest on Twin Peaks. It is for this reason that I hate her. We also get Julianne Moore as Amber Waves, the motherly figure of the happy porn family. She was in The Fugitiveand got to meet Harrison Ford. It is for this reason that I hate her. ("Nipple Ambrosia" would be another good porn star name.)
There was too damn much music in the movie, too. Every single scene seemed like it had music behind it, to the point of distraction. Especially the scene where Dirk gets beat up and Rollergirl clobbers the guy with her skates. Did we really need that funeral-style bell ding-donging in our heads the entire time, Paul? Plus, Rick Springfield music should never be used as the background music for a drug-induced shootout, either. (Though that scene, with "Sister Christian" and the firecrackers and all that was very suspenseful and really well done.)
If you ever get bored, go to the Internet Movie Database and look up some of the other movies Nina Hartley has been in (she played William H. Macy's wife). Just make sure you don't look them up at work, or in front of your parents.
Speaking of William H. Macy, poor guy. His role in the movie consists of watching his wife screw other guys, then shooting them, then shooting himself.
Wasn't "Jack Horner" the guy in the nursery rhyme who stuck his thumb in a pie and pulled out a plum? Somehow I can't picture Burt Reynolds doing that.
Everyone kept talking about the last scene, the oh-so-important last scene, where Dirk Diggler's big...talent...is revealed. I was expecting some big, dramatic camera angle, where he slowly turns around (I imagined the music from 2001) and there it is, in all its gnomon on a sundial glory. It was not, and I was a bit disappointed. ("Viagra Prescription"? Good porn name? No? Maybe?)
But don't get me wrong, I didn't hate the movie. It was good, entertaining, but not particularly realistic. The ending seemed a wee bit tacked-on. (On the E! web site, there's a history of John Holmes, the porn star whose life is [many think] the inspiration for Boogie Nights. Now there's reality for ya. Though it wasn't as happy at the end.)
So who knows what Paul will come up with next, movie wise. Maybe a vanity project for girlfriend Fiona Apple. (To which my response is: Oh, God, please, no.)